Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
