i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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