My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize