I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Pooping to opera.
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