Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
