guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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