Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
