Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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