I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
