New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
