when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
