..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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