Tell her she can't have a vagina
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize