i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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