True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
