i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
