so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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