The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
