So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
