i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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