my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
