it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
