My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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