Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
