whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
