1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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