She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
two words...techno handjob
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
