I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
