I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
