He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
