I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
