I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
