Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
As shirtless as possible
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
