Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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