how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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