She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
