its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
