I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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