i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
