Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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