We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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