Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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