apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
