I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
