I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
