No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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