we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
