She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
