normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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