sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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