I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
