Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
