Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
