I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
