dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
