thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
