they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
