Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
