he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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