: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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