I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
