just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the condom got lost in my hair
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
