sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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