I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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