I'm gonna have a badass scar
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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