just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
