i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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