Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
