i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
