Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
