Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
