Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
