my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
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Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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