Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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